Attack of the Hell Heron (by tom)


August 11, 2010 Buddy Fred's Dock

There's been this bird (shown right) that lives under our dock here at the Buddy Fred complex for the last three years.

Every year we come back, he's still here. Every time we get on or off the boat, he's still here. Sometimes, not always, but sometimes, he has a girlfriend with him and they're both still here.

Now up until last night all they have ever done is squawk loudly at us, fly to the nearest convenient branch, wait for us to pass and then resume their original position at the end of the dock.

Waiting. Stalking. Plotting.

So last night, I was coming back to the boat around 10 pm after having dinner and drinks with Amy's visiting family when out of nowhere I was jumped by my arch nemesis, Hell Heron.

It was a surprise attack implemented with the cunning use of sound and flapping wings. Photo-security cams show my foe pretending to be a statue and just waiting for me to pass by. When I was within two meters, he pounced!

"Blahhhhhh!" he cried.

"Ahhhhhhh!" I cried.

And then I dropped my beer into the creek.

"Nooooooooo!" I cried again.

Don't worry, it was only half a bottle of luke warm Yuengling, so the alcohol abuse is classified as minimal.

As an aside, Mila-Weasel is looking into the possibility of launching a weasel counter-offensive to see if heron does, in fact, taste like chicken. Inquiring minds want to know.

More to follow, end of line.

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Comments

August 11. 2010 16:39

You really need to get out more....and get better friends,.... some that DON'T have feathers or fur.....I think maybe Amy needs a raise in pay...or she might try to return you to Mom and Dad...when do you all go back to sea?....
...........................maybe that's it....instead of "space dementia" you have some obscure form of "land dementia".....I'm going to need to see some hard proof of blood relation.....

your sister...the old one...

August 14. 2010 08:57

When birds go wild?

David

August 15. 2010 23:41

Dude, thats what they make sippy cups for. Seriously, start practicing safe drinking or I'm gonna have to kick some serious weasel ass.

Love,
Jay and Silent Bob

Jason

August 17. 2010 21:35

I LOVE HERONS!

they taste like chicken.

Andrew

August 18. 2010 22:32

That Heron is dressed like a pimp the ones that make me spill my beer off our dock are big grey ones not so pimped and out they hang in gangs of 13 or more sometimes and think they are cool. Wait till I show them that pic you posted. I may blow it up and laminate it stick it on the piling just to mess with their self esteem...Looser, grey, non pimped, skinny legged, gang of primordial, glaring, squawkers will get theirs.

fubar

August 20. 2010 17:30

Update: the pic had no effect although my neighbor who is balding but still has long hair and looks strangely, like lady ga ga somehow and is a much worse pest than any wild life thinks it is a peacock and wonders why I was in my dink stapling a pic of a “peafowl” up on the outside pilings and why I’m giggling. I heard him tell his wife who I call the flounder because her eyes are really far apart almost on the side of her head that I’m strange. Well he is correct but he is such a silly bird it’s obvious I’m trying to intimidate in a non lethal, psy war way the gang of thug herons that hang in the shade of that old tree geeze people are dumb….

fubar

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